The other day I spoke about McKenna, ghosts and Tappy Bear all in the same sentence. I talked about how we deal with nightmares here at our house. I ran across this cute video I shot of McKenna last year. We lived about a block from the beach. I guess the crabs decided to come out of her purple food and try and eat her in the middle of the night saying. “Num, num, num”.
What I can tell you is, she totally believed those crabs were after her. She climbed up on me in the middle of the night faster than I have ever seen anyone move. There is no way that you would have been able to peel her off me.
How do you handle night terrors or night mares? I recently spoke to Jan Luther, an EFT Master about how talking to children about grief. One of the things she mentioned is that when a child is in fear, telling them it is OK, there is nothing to worry about is not validating who they are. To them, in that moment it is 100% real, and so is the fear. Think about a noise outside at night that scares you into calling the police… to find out it is dear in your backyard (OK, I was alone with my new born baby that night while my husband was working out of town!). That fear is real until you are able to calm down and perhaps find out it is really nothing. But, to tell a child that there is nothing to be afraid of is not validating the fact they ARE afraid.
One of the tools I use and we talk about in the series is how to use Tappy Bear and tapping to clear the fears we have, especially the ones we know are truly False Evidence Appearing Real. If you are interested in hearing more about the series of interviews I did, please leave me a message or send me an email at christine@passionparent.com.
Enjoy McKenna and the ghost crab!
Here’s to being a Passion Parent!
Christine
To me, nightmares should be handled like the story about the princess and the moon, i.e. parents should ask their kids how to solve their own problem by going deeper into their scary story.
NLP is a field of psychology dealing with adult behavior changes through symbolic manipulations (among other things). The main thing about the symbols is what meaning they have for the person using them, not the therapist. The therapist just needs to guide.
So we should listen and ask questions and gently guide our kids towards a way to symbolize victory over the fear (something like “And then the crabs’ mommy called them for dinner and they went away”).
Lovely post (again).
That is such a great point about asking them questions. I keep finding if I just start addressing what I think is the challenge at hand or event he question, more often than not, I would be answering something different than what she is trying to address. Asking her what she thinks helps me to clarify what she is really trying to get an answer for.
I really like that it is a gentle way for them to explore their dreams as well. Asking he what she thinks it means… what age do you think they can start to have some insight into that? I wish I would have asked taht question! Would have been interesting to know.
I am real interested to know why the crabs were coming out of her morado (purple food). She talked about this dream for weeks! Told everyone! about it. I was very cute, other than I know it had really scared her. The cool thing is she seemed to get past the fear rather quickly for as scared as she was… for example, she went into the room to find that crab! I thought that was amazing!
I give my children Reiki when they have a bad dream, and it helps relax them so they can get back to sleep peacefully. Reiki energy healing is a wonderful tool for parents. My kids know how to use it on themselves as well to help them get to sleep, reduce pain, or calm down when needed.
@SageByNature suggested (after a little humor about not sleeping because of Dad’s snoring), I take a look at http://www.lifetreks.com. What a wealth of information if you are interested in looking at what your dreams may be telling you about your life. Here is just one little gems I took from Dr. Halloway’s site… go check her out!
“Any dream containing a dramatic monster may be heavy with potential insights. Try to look at the dream as a work of art, and appreciate the cinematic qualities, even those that frightened you. These horror stories are usually signals that a deeper understanding is necessary before we can move through the present situation. The more threatening the dream, the greater are the benefits to be derived from exploring and understanding it. If you move forward with courage, you can expect rich rewards for your efforts.”
Great post! Also have a look at metaphoric stories, in addition to EFT they can give the child give the sense that (s)he is now older and bigger than before, and can now handle the fears better. Our subconscious mind reacts wonderfully to metaphors.. On my website EFT4ADD.com I write about metaphoric stories for children, with examples. I’m planning to make a little course about it soon.
Keep posting!!
Christine
What a beautiful way to honor your daughter by listening to her story, her worries and help her resolve that fear. I know you also do “Tapping” as well.
I find “Tapping” or doing EFT with kids helps them immediately release those fears and anxieties while honoring the fear they felt at that moment. TappyBear is a great helper for kids too.
love
Deborah